into the light ministry

STEPPING OUT OF THE BOAT in the name OF

0800 772 0318

Chapter 1

TRAPPED & CONFUSED

I was trapped, well and truly, trapped in this life I had been manipulated into living by the enemy, a life of crime and destruction, for over twenty years I spent my life going round and round in circles, in out of prison, spending most of my life locked up and 6 out of the last 10 years in Jail! When not in jail I was living like a Don wasting big money on loose living and on the run in Spain and Europe, before all this I was in boarding school for four years from 11-15! (I got given my first number by St Edwards’s boarding school in Romsey on August 17th 1987. number 33)

But what was it all about?? I didn’t know myself, all I thought was, I was chasing the “dream”?! but what was the dream? Something was missing out of my life, the feeling of rejection overpowered my thinking. What was I chasing? Was it the dream the world had given me through the Films i loved to watch? Films like Oceans 11, Layer Cake, Scar Face, Heat, why did i like these type of movies so much? Maybe it was that the gangs and firms in the movies, they all stuck together, they all had each other’s backs, they had created their own family of outcasts that no one could reject, it was acceptance I longed for, and soon These fictional characters were to become my role models, role models that replaced my absent father, the glamorisation of criminals in the movies only helped my hunger to become like a character in one of these movies, and it wouldn’t be long until I created my own “firm” (family) of rejects! it took all my life to realise it wasn’t the “dream” I was chasing, I had wasted over 20 years of adulthood in and out jail! Only to finally workout, it was Love, acceptance, guidance, friendship, belonging and the feeling of being wanted by a father that I never knew, the fantasy family of criminals I had created together with money and fake friends went some way to filling the empty space that only my father could have filled, like most of us, all I ever wanted was to be told “well done son”

I’m 39 years old and I’ve only just worked it out what was missing from my life, the damage caused by rejection manifested itself in many forms including suffering from low self esteem and fear of abandonment. Throughout the book I will write about the effects of not feeling wanted and the destruction an absent father can have on a boy’s life.

By age 37 I had been crapped on, betrayed, cheated on, and rejected that many times it blinded and confused me so bad I didn’t even know who I was or what I was chasing!

Woman, money, drugs, guns, cars, houses,

clothes, and power, I had them all, trying so badly I to fill the emptiness in my life, everyone loved the footballers and celebrities, and I committed hundreds of crimes and spent £££ss trying to get the stuff they had, I spent my life robbing, scheming, conning, and stealing to get it, my hunger to be “wanted” got so bad at one point I was seeing 5 woman at the same time telling them all they were the “one”! after years of living this life, gaining what I thought would make me happy, I realised it didn’t, in fact I was depressed! No amount of money, woman, cars and Rolex watches could fix the real issue, the hole in my life was bigger than any wedge of money or affection from a woman could fill, it was dark and scary and haunted me, it gave me nightmares and woke me up in the night with cold sweats and screaming out! REJECTION was my ghost and no matter what I did it grew bigger and bigger.

Running from rejection I surrounded myself with stuff, I was young and fit and living in a country (Spain) that could offer me the life style I thought would fill this gap or at least quiet the beast down. Clubs, woman and cocaine readily available! They would temporally all help to hush this beast that tormented me, but as always the drugs and woman would run out and I would wake up alone crying out in cold sweats again, toe to toe it was me and the beast and he was beating me every time I came back down to earth this time I was on the run again as I lay on the sofa depressed in my apartment in Spain, it hit me! I needed a way out! Then JESUS hit me! And this is where my story begins...I type this from a prison computer at HMP Rochester July 2015 This time serving a 3 year sentence for handling a stolen vehicle, a Ferrari 458 worth £239.000. I’m going to start off by telling you how it came about that I’m currently serving yet another prison term then I’ll tell you a few stories and go back to my childhood as the book goes on.

HANDLING STOLEN GOODS 2013

January 2013 I bought a damaged Ferrari 458 for £85.000 that needed lots of parts including a whole front end! Getting (stealing) the donor car for the parts that I needed was easy but I had to find a specialist that could stitch the front end on without it being noticeable!

I went about making enquiries...that lead to a mutual friend setting up a meet with the man that eventually shopped me to the police, this fella was a Ferrari specialist and was meant to be on the level and know the score.

Here’s how the meet went, he sat there with another man, his friend who didn’t make a statement against me as he knew the truth, ok I said, “I want to bring you the front end of this car but this is a very rare car and once it goes missing it will be all over the news!” the fella and his mate laughed and said “we don’t watch the news “I went on to push my point, “it will be in all the papers“! “We don’t read papers ha-ha” they replied, that was enough for me! That night the donor Ferrari 458 that I’m in prison for now, valued at £239.000 was stolen! cut up and 48 hours later was delivered to Roland together with the damaged straight salvage 458 which was later confiscated by the police!

THE RAID & THE THINGS I PUT SIANA MY GIRLFRIEND THROUGH

That was a Friday, Monday night I had a call from a old mate who works for the police in the CID, he told me I will be getting nicked the coming Thursday for this Ferrari! Thoughts of how he knew entered my mind, I rang the garage and the fella doing the repairs said all was ok, so I was confused to say the least. however being careful I made sure I was ready and at midnight on Thursday the knock on the door came...although I was prepared I still kept low hoping they would go away...Siana my girlfriend and her daughter Courtney was in the house with

me, the police were all around the house blasting their torches in the windows as they do trying to intimidate the occupants, but we kept low and out the way, I knew if I could make them believe no one was in they couldn’t get authorisation to break the door in and I would have a few more days to run maybe to Spain again, but this copper would not give up!!

Bang bang bang!! Almost breaking the door as he knocked! Siana was shaking wondering what to do. “Keep quiet they will go away” I said. Then the final warning came, “if you don’t open were break the door in” shouted the police. “don’t worry their bluffing” I said to Siana, it was like a game of poker who could out bluff who, a game I’d played for over twenty five years and I was not going to roll over that easy! One more warning came, then another, I was feeling like a rat trapped in a corner, I started to look for an escape route even trying to squeeze my 18 stone bulk that id spent so much time in the gym training and injecting steroids to gain through the small landing window, as I tried I was wondering why I didn’t already run off to Spain!? I think it was because I didn’t believe my police informant 100%.

Damn I couldn’t fit! I was trapped they was coming through that door and I was getting nicked, I ran into the bathroom and ran the tap to add to some soap to make the phone that I always had with me wrapped in Clingfilm go into the bank more easy! Right that was in place! I was ready, they smashed the door to pieces breaking the glass and leaving it scattered all over the hallway, the door had almost come off its hinges! Angry I stood at the top of the stairs in a menacing pose and waited, the police came running into the blacked out house, they found the light switch and as they ran up the stairs they found me! All 18 stone 3 feet wide of me!, I had the upper ground, I still wanted to feel in control, I have a firearms and weapons warning on me and was expecting ARV (armed response) to be stood at the bottom of the stairs. I stood my ground and not surprising they all stopped their standard method of aggressiveness and shouting designed to intimidate and disarm any occupants, one officer said in a quiet tone of voice “ hello Michael how are you?” I laughed and shook his hand, “I’m good I’ve been expecting you” I couldn’t resist letting them know that I had known they was coming, although I never told them how I knew, but it had confirmed my police informer was right and I had been grassed up again!

THE POLICE SEARCH

Courtney, Siana’s 7 year old daughter was still asleep, bless her, snoring away on the top bunk of the bed, she remained asleep during the whole search, which didn’t take long as I’d cleaned the place up! I sat in the living room AND Siana was kept in the bedroom while they searched it, the police were making small talk like they do, I went along with it as long as I didn’t incriminate myself I was willing to laugh at their jokes and have banter, whatever it took to distract them and keep them from arresting Siana which was another low tactic the police sometimes employed to put pressure on you, most criminals will have be subjected to this low tactic, a tactic that had been used on me several times in the past but backfired on the police as I see this tactic as form of bullying, and I hate bullies, I’ll get to that story later. During the search the police pulled out some photos of my brother covered in blood at a bare knuckle fight which had happened just two months previously, he looks like me and as he was covered in blood they couldn’t tell it wasn’t me so I went along with it, it all added to my hard man image, and I think it helped as they decided not to nick Siana on this occasion. Nothing of evidential value found at the house I felt comfortable and confident as we made our way to Staines police station. This must have been the 500th time I had been arrested since childhood and was the norm for me now. Phone in the bank I knew I could make the calls needed to make sure my lockup had not been found, banking a phone was normally a painful experience but due to resent advances in technology I could hardly feel it as it was one of them BMW key fob phones and despite me sticking a spare battery on the back of it sat there quite comfortably ready to be used when the time was right. Normally I would have just cheeked the phone, a method in which you place an item in-between your bum cheeks and keep your buttocks clenched tightly to prevent it from making its way down your trouser leg! But this time I banked it (plugged it) (put it in the meat safe) put it up my anus! And was glad I did as when I got to Staines nick some clever cooper went through my records held in the names of my many alias some 20! “Umm Hopkins, Intel says you like to cheek mobile phones!” that was enough to warrant a full strip search and I found myself in a cold cell naked squatting and pulling my cheeks apart, “all clear” the officer with the job of looking up my rear-end shouted, clothes back on I was booked in and bedded down for the night.

The solid steal cell door slammed shut and I became hyper sensitive and alert listening and checking for officers to see if it was safe to get the phone out, I waited half hour to be safe, I positioned myself under the itchy blue blanket in a way to hide the phone from the CCTV camera in the top corner, I had to unwrap it, all without getting covered in crap! Some of the things I was made to do just to survive living this life of crime made me feel like an animal, All done I cleaned it up using the sink in the cell and made the calls needed, Siana and Courtney was ok, that was my first priority, although the door was off its hinges still, her and Courtney was safe and that’s all that mattered, the lockup was safe and none of the firm had been nicked either, relaxed and full of information I went to sleep, the time being around 2am.

THE INTERVIEW AND THE GAME FOR BAIL BEGAN

No comment was the usual answer id give in interview and it was what I’d been programmed as a 15 year old to say by a solicitor called NO COMMENT WROE, a good man and a kind of a celebrity amongst the criminal underworld, his reputation preceded him and made me choose to use him as a young and up and coming 15 year old stepping onto the first run of the underworld ladder, I used John Wroe up until just a few years ago when he retired.

In the interview the questions started.... answering No Comment all the way, however the police were lucky to even get me into the interview room as over the years my arrogance and ego had blown way out of control, when arrested I would play out my act and stay in character as a cool man (Scarface) not bothered by the police or the bang-up, this is how my act went....

I would lay in the cell hands behind my head trying to look as comfortable as possible and smile as the guard looked through the spy hole to check on me, hours would go by then finally the interviewing officer usually with a understudy would come to the cell, file and tapes in hand, opening the door, “Mr long ready for interview?” he would say, This is when my arrogance would kick in and have its stage to perform...years of films programming me just for this moment.... angry at the time they had left me locked up, another tactic used to try and break you, however it would have the opposite effect on me....I would rise up slowly looking as cool as possible not saying a word walking slowly with a swagger over to the now open cell door. I slammed it shut locking myself inside the cell! When opened again by the

officer id say “charge me or let me go you have 24hrs! And I’ve been here 18 so piss off! I refuse to be interviewed!”

That would really get to them and give me a sort of satisfaction that I had gained a bit of power back from them!

However on this occasion as I was intrigued to know what they had on me, I went to interview and 45 minutes into it the officer had had enough of me, his bluffing didn’t work, the interview was over they didn’t have enough to charge me, I kept my cool, then it was time to play the most important game a man locked up has to play, the BAIL game! I knew I could be recalled to prison to finish off the 4 years I’d just done 2 out of, having been out only 14 months I knew I’d have to serve another 10 months recall! Delaying things as long as they could to try and get my probation officer to recall me back to prison they eventually had to let me go, the parole office would not recall me at this time. Then the custody officer spoke..Mr Hopkins? Long? Whatever your name is, were bailing you to come back in March, the words every criminal wants to here! I was out!

Chapter 2